July 01, 2003

Healthy Choices

I'm at my desk today, and I happen to glance into my garbage can.

"Hey, who put the Healthy Choice(TM, copyright, whatever) in my garbage?"

"It's mine," says a co-worker.

"He's trying to frame you," another opines.

"Me? I'm an UnHealthy choice man. Hamburger cooked in lard and fried."


"Besides, it's better than McDonalds..."

"Really." I pluck the food box out of my garbage and proceed to read. "Noodles baked with stuff, riboflavin, mono and diglycerides, chicken *with chicken flavoring*, mesquite flavoring *and* grill flavoring. What the hell is grill flavoring?"

"Hey," says the non-Healthy-Choice-eating co-worker, "Micky-D's Chicken McNuggets aren't even made from chicken."

"Really?" News to me.

"They are now..." mentions a third co-worker. "There was a lawsuit. They announced it, like, two months back."

We look it up on (get this) McDonald's own web site -- using a domain name stolen in the courts in the early 90s from a guy named "McDonald" -- and find out that in fact, Chicken McNuggets are now chicken. But their sauces... let's just say, the only one that seemed edible was the honey, which was 100% Grade A honey.

Yeah, I skipped lunch today.

Posted by Ted Stevko at July 1, 2003 01:59 PM